keskiviikko 27. huhtikuuta 2016

Posti

Postin tuo, postin tuo, postin tuo Pate jokaisen luo....

No, kaikkialle muualle paitsi jorpakkoon ja haja-asutusalueille.

Meinaan, että on aika naurettavaa soopaa se ettei tästä muutoksesta (posti tuli yleensä klo 11 ja nyt klo 17) ole tullut minkäänlaista viestiä kotiovelle, sinne postilootaan. 

Odotetaanko, että sieltä netistä käydään tuurilla etsimässä tieto millonka se Pate viitsii lootalla käydä?

Leikatkaapa Suomi lisää niin ei kohta posti tule lainkaan.

Joo joo, muutos tuli että saadaan palveluja enemmän ihmisille ja lähelle, oikeaan aikaan.

Mutta ei ole kiva kun ei ole tullut minkäänlaista infoa että millonka se posti nyt vastaisuudessa sitten tulee.

Ja millä se tulee. Meinaan, ei ollut postiauto joka tämän päivän, anteeks illan, postin toi. Ihan normaali valkoinen auto. Ei ollut postin logoa. Näinköhän osaa postia edes käsitellä. Ei mikään ihme että olen odottanut kirjettä saapuvaksi 2 kuukautta. Ei ole tullut. Luulin että syy on siellä jossakin, mutta taitaa olla ihan koti Suomen postin jaossa/jakamattomuudessa.


tiistai 26. huhtikuuta 2016

Miss Suomi

Ajankohtainen aihe, josta minultakin löytyy mielipide. Itse äänestän sitä kisan lyhyintä, joka sekin on huimat 168 senttiä. 

Tuli vilkaistua tätä sivua jossa kerrotaan kuinkas se Suomen kaunein nainen on muuttunut ajan saatossa.

Missin ihanne pituus ensinnäkin on 175 cm. 
Pituus ei tee missiä. 
Pituus ei tee mallia. 
Pituus ei tee kauneus-tai muotiteollisuutta. 
Nämä asiat syntyvät ihan muista asioista kuin naisen pituudesta tai sen puutteesta. Ja, jos se pituusvaatimus on aina siellä mallitoimistoissa, niin voisi tämä Miss Suomi jättää ihannemitat pois. Onneksi niin onkin. Miss Suomi nettisivulla lukee: ei vaadittuja pituus/paino rajoja.

Sitten maaginen luku 90-60-90. Rinnanympärys-vyötärö-lantio mitat. Ihannemitat Suomen kauneimmalle naiselle. Selvä... 
Eli pitäis ensin käydä hakemassa Virosta rinnan täytettä, vai? Entäs me pienirintaiset Suomen kauniit naiset. Nauretaanko meidät lokaan, jätetäänkö castingin ulkopuolelle?

Kerronpas teille nyt millainen on Miss Suomi 2017 finalisti. 

Nimi: Pauliina Tuulivaara 
Pituus: 150cm
Mitat: 78-62-78 (noin suunnilleen)

Aion päästä, kaiketi Miss Suomi historian lyhyimpänä kisaajana, finalisti lavalle vuonna 2017. Ehkä joku plussakoon upea nainen lähtee sitten joku päivä tulevaisuudessa yrittämään samaa. Tässä vielä muutama kuva (omasta mielestään) Suomen kauneimmasta:






"What can you do when mother nature did not give you the right length, or boobs that big. Well, you wear high heels and feel tall and hey, someone designed Super Push Up´s. 
Anyway´s you are still gorgeous and the most beautiful woman in Finland. Maybe even in the entire planet. If you just feel it, babe." 

maanantai 25. huhtikuuta 2016

Prince Charming

So I wrote a letter to Prince Harry last year. And yes, I got one back. Though it was written by his assistant, it was lovely anyways. And now I think I should have wrote my letter to him at Leap Year. You know, woman is allowed to propose. Well, I was too inpatient. Thanks, Harry.

perjantai 22. huhtikuuta 2016

Kotina Kennel

Aivojeni muistikeskukseen on ilmestynyt reikä enkä muista lehden nimeä, josta luin tästä aiheesta. Eli siis, koiran kotina kennel..  Henkilö menee ja ostaa itselleen koiran. Myöhemmin hänellä todetaan allergia. Sitten tämä henkilö ei ajattele mitään vaan menee ja laittaa koiransa kenneliin. Siellä saa koira elellä pienen hetken, kunnes henkilö ajattelee edes hieman omaa napaansa pidemmälle ja ostaa toisen koiran. Siellä  kennelissä jo elävälle koiralle kaveriksi.

Anteeks vaan!

Äly hoi älä jätä!

Jos et pysty koiraa pitämään sitä ei mihinkään kenneliin viedä elämään! Vaan hänelle etsitään hyvä ja osaava koti. Kennel on paikka, jonne koira viedään matkan ajaksi, ei loppuelämäksi.

torstai 21. huhtikuuta 2016

Cruzbroker

Oletko ostamassa tietokonetta? Osta Cruzbrokerilta. Hyvää palvelua ja kotiin tullessa tietsikka toimii kuin unelma. Toisin kuin eräästä muusta kaupasta ostettuna. Cruzbroker, pistäkää mieleen.
Pyysin äitiä viemään liikkeen miehille kukkapuskan. Katsotaan viekö.

maanantai 18. huhtikuuta 2016

Starttiraha

Otetaanpas mielen virkistämiseksi hieman englantia tähän väliin.

Kuka saa mielensäsopukoista kaivettua suomenkielisen sanan englannin kielen sanaan start? Aloittaa, eikö vain?

Niinpäs onkin. Ja starttiraha siis tarkoittaa aloitusrahaa. Ainakin sen pitäisi tarkoittaa.

Kuuluisasta wikipediasta haettuna: Starttiraha on aloittavalle yrittäjälle tarjottava etu. Sen on tarkoitus varmistaa aloittavan yrittäjän toimeentulo ja parantaa työllisyyttä.

Ai kun kiva. Ihanaa. Työllisyys kasvaa, ei tartte omasta pussista miettiä riittääkö vaan saa unelmansa perustamiseen tukea. Ja onhan se hienoa että on joku kannustin yrittäjyyteen.

Kuulosta hyvältä, eikö vaan. Mutta tässäkin asiassa Suomi sahaa suomalaista silmään sen minkä ehtii. Niin hyvältä kuin tuo starttiraha kuulostaa, se on liian hyvää ollakseen totta. Ja kaikki kaatuu helvetinmoiseen paperisotaan ja millintarkkaan tutkimukseen.

Eräs joka on perustamassa yritystä kertoi minulle hakevansa starttirahaa, hän ei saa sitä. Kysyin miksi. Hän vastasi niin, että mulle jäi pelkkä *facepalm*. Ja jäin ajattelemaan että älyssäni on vikaa. Hän vastasi näin: starttirahan saa vasta sitten kun on niitä tuloja yrityksellä. Ja yritystä ei sais perustaa vielä ennenkun saa sitä startirahaa.

Eli starttirahaa ei saa kun ei ole tuloja yrityksellä. Ja tätä yritystä ei saa jos ei oo starttirahaa. (jos yrityksen perustaminen ei onnistu omasta pussista)

*facepalm *




lauantai 9. huhtikuuta 2016

If Daryl Dixon dies...

I've read many things about that topic. Few good examples:

If Daryl dies, I sue The Walking Dead

If Daryl dies we will riot

If Daryl dies we will quit watching.

(The last one is not true. You basically  can't quit. Atleast I want to figure out how an earth are the others gonna survive. I mean if badass redneck Daryl could not make it, the other's have no chance what so ever)

I just watched Inside The Walking Dead. Norman Reedus said: If they are gonna kill Daryl I will probably set my trailer on fire and they need to call multiple police officers to escort me out off the property, cause I'm so pissed.

Good one Norman.

tiistai 5. huhtikuuta 2016

The Walking Dead fanfiction

We all know where (in Finland) last nights episode ended, the 90- minute long masterpiece that got us all losing our minds. Negan smashing somebody's head. What we dont know is whose head. Is it our dear Dary Dixon? Is his "handsome- as- hell look" in danger?
I am going to write a fanfiction from that moment on. This is going to be purely from my imagination and from my pen. If you don't like it, screw it. We all have different views . Accept it or walk away. Enjoy! And sorry for any grammar mistakes. I am sure there is many. But hey, English is not my native language.

                                                                        *

It was chaotic. People were screaming and it was hard for them to stay still. But they knew that if they would make a little movement, they would be taken down as well. That noice, coming straight from smashing someone's head off, was sickening. Negan laughed as he enjoyed the terror. Finally he was satisfied enough to the result and stopped.
-You see that! Wow. It is hard work guys, he said and was sweating swinging  Lucille like a baseball player.
- That was just a warmup. Now let's play again. This time it will be one of you, Negan said and pointed the group with Lucille, which was dripping blood. Negan started:
-Eenie...
A sharp woman's voice cut the air like a knife. The voice was strong, not shivering att all. There was a foreign accent to it.
- You leave them alone, you let them go right now! Young woman, maybe in her twenties came from the groud towards Negan. She was wearing a white dress, looking like she's from somewhere else. The whole place went quiet.
- You. Not here not now. Go on, away you go. Negan said. It was clear the woman was part of Negan's group.
- No, I won't move an inch untill you listen to me. Woman continued.
- Let's all have a silent moment for Dwight, shall we! Negan said.
- Have some respect. Negan said to the woman.
- I would not mourn over him. He was just a poor soul. Thinking too big of himself. Real world he was nothing but a puzzle in your meaningless games, woman said and continued.
- You let them all go right now.
-Or else, Negan wanted to know. She laughed a little and looked at Negan like he had asked something that was as obvious as the end of the world.
- Or else I am going to play "eenie meenie miney mo" with all you Negan's untill there's no man left standing.  Untill there's no Negan left, not a single one. Young woman was pointing out each and every one of the men.
-Ooh, should I be scared, Negan just laughed it off. She was frustrated, you could tell.
-I just don't get it. We are all humans. We are all in the same shit here. And still we want an eye for an eye. Still we are killing each other's even though we should be standing for each other. We should be able to trust another human. You have lost your humanity Negan.
-I am in the middle of a thing here, don't interupt me, Negan said to the lady who just said:
-I will interupt you. You are going to listen to me now. They think you are the bad guys, which is true of course because you put men ambushing to the roads. And you think they are the bad guys because they just kill to protect themselves. I personally just don't get it.
- Of course you don't. You are just a little girl in big boys' world, Negan said like he was talking to child who does not understand it's her bedtime. The woman continued despite the interruption.
- You always say you don't negotiate. And I hate making deals. But now is the time when you negotiate and I will be making a deal. Sounds fair? Lady asked but did not wait for an answer.
- You let them go but you still want to kill someone right? You still want someone to pay. Kill me. You know you should have done that when you took me here. I have tried to escape many times. I have tried to kill you many ways and still you keep me hanging here! Why? Why do you keep that imagination gun pointing straight to my brains but you don't seem willing to pull the trigger? And don't tell me you don't do it because you are a gentleman, because you are not, you are just one son of a bitch. That was option A. The B is that you continue eenie meenie- them and I kill you. I will get my personal revenge one way or another. Option C is quite simple. I will be satisfied if you let Daryl and the woman go. They need medic. Don't kill someone who is already near death. And yes I would let the young boy go aswell. Silence landed over the place again. Members of Rick group looked confused. Who was this girl in white? How could she stand up against someone like Negan? Negan was swinging Lucille and he seemed thinking about something. He was making some odd sound with his mouth.He turned to the woman now pointing lucille towards her. He put the barb wired bat under her chin and lifted it up so he could see all the expressions in her face. She was short.  She looked straight to Negan and it looked like she watched straight through him.
- If. And I really mean if I let them go I'm still going to need half of their shit. They are working for me now. Negan said, still holding lucille under the woman's chin. She was calm like nothing bad would happen.
- Grow your own garden, Negan. Negan laughed like he heard the best joke ever. He turned his back to the lady and asked:
-Are we done here or what?
- In matter of fact we are, she answered and was shocked what happened next as they all were. Gun shots fiering all around. They came somewhere from the bushes.
- What the bitch, Ambraham wondered. Negan's group was paralyzed for a second and Rick took advantage of that. He showed a sign to his fellow people and they started to grap weapons. Then men was shot down, most of Negan's  went down. Daryl grapped his crossbow but did not use it. He run into the RV and kept the door open while Aaron and Moichonne helped Maggie in. Anna tried to cover her head and was thinking where would she be safe.
- Come here girl, Daryl shouted.  A whistle glide in the place. Negan's men were giving up. Negan showed them to back off.
- I will be back, he said to Rick.
- We will be ready for you. Rick answered and run into the RV. It was not  long when armored men came towards them with Morgan. Rick opened the car door.
- I really don't give a fuck who you are right now. I let myself think you are the good ones but we really need to get to the Hilltop. There is two who need doctor's help.
- Well then let's go, said a ginger haired man. He came behind the wheel and started the engines. Rick sighed with relief.
            Carl looked at the young woman in the white dress which was by the way covered with blood.
-What are you? He asked.
- What do you mean about that? She asked.
- You just came from the crowd wearing white dress looking like you belong somewhere else and you just saved the day, are you an angel? Carl tried to explain himself. She threw her head back and laughed.
- An angel? Maybe a fallen one, she finally answered and got Daryl to smile a little even though he was clearly in pain.
 -What' your name by the way? Daryl asked.
- Anna
-I'm Daryl.
-I know. You are the crossbow guy that helped Dwight. And then he screwed you. Anna said.
- You are not from here, are you? Rick asked coming from the back of the van.
- Is it that obvious? But no, I'm not.
-So, where are you from then? Carl wanted to know.
-It is a long story.
- We have all the time you need, Michonne said. She had been silent one untill now.
- I come from Finland. I know, you are wondering where? It is a small meaningless country between Russia and Sweden. I was here with my family, mom, dad and baby brother. We were bonding in the happiest place an earth, Disneyland when this acopalypse of yours started. Of course my mom and dad had to get in the middle of a fight in that chaos so they were bitten and eaten up. I got to save my brother and wanted to find my way back to Finland. Cause to be honest I thought this is just your problem and Finland would be just alright. I never got there. I run into lovely group and forgot where I was going and started living again. Then we thought it would be better just keep on moving and not stick around in one place for long. So we run into group of men calling themselves Negan. They just shot at us. I hide behind the wheel, thinking I would not be found. But then my baby brother started crying. He was taken away from me. I have no idea what happened to him. And they took me. I am surprised they did not kill me. I can't figure out why.  I had plenty of food to eat, safety and a shithead as a leader. And now I'm here. I told you. It is a long story. Tried to make it a short one.
- How many walkers have you killed? Rick suddenly asked after silence.
-Walkers?
- We call those zombies walkers, Rick clarified.
- Oh. Well too many to count, said Anna.
- How many humans have you killed? Daryl asked. Anna was wondering what these questions were.
- Enough to stay alive. Why do you ask these questions? She asked for return.
There was a moment of silence. Rick and Daryl looking at each other. They nodded.
- Welcome to our group. Rick finally said.
-You know there is one question missing? Anna said.
-And what's that? Carl asked.
-Do you want to be part of any group.
-Well do you? Carl asked again. Anna turned to the people and sighed.
-Let me explain something about groups. Of course it brings you lots of benefits being part of a group but there is downsides too. One is. If you find a group that is full filled with lovely people you get too attached and forget where you were supposed to go and what you were supposed to do, as I forgot to find my way to Finland. Or! You get together whit group of mother fuckers and get yourself in deep shit. I did that too. So maybe I should take some distance to groups now, Anna said but continued:
-But yes. I will be sticking around for a while.
-Sounds good enough for me, Rick said and went back of the van checking on Maggie. Daryl looked at Anna who nodded at Rick and turned her eyes in the window, to the landscape going by behind it. He was hoping that the little while in Rick's group would change her mind about staying just a while to staying for good. That little ass-kicker woman had got his heart twisted. And then Daryl lost consciousness.

2.

Daryl was lying in a bed in one of Hilltop's room. He was getting back to life. His vision was blurry but he could see someone sitting in a chair beside him. He realised it was Anna. She was holding a mug between her hands.
- How long I've been here? Daryl said in his rusted voice.
- You scared the shit out of me, Anna laughed, it has been about 48 hours.
- How's Maggie and the others? Daryl asked and tried to to sit up but it was a bad idea.
- She is fine for now and so is the baby. Others. Well, shocked of course. Trying to figure out everything that happened and that will happen.
- I guess we all owe you, Daryl said. Anna drank from the mug and finally answered.
- You owe me shit. I don't like owing to people so I don't want them to owe me. As I said, you owe me shit.
-You curse a lot. I ain't judging but... You don't seem like a person who uses those kind of words.
- Yeah. I do. Maybe it comes with the territory of being Finnish or I am just trying to hide the fact that english is not my native language. You know. I'm just trying to survive in an odd country with an odd language. Scientist also say that if you use curse words you are verbally more talented than others, so maybe I am just intelligent. I'm gonna leave you there now. Try to get better, okay? Anna said and opened the door.
- Thanks, Daryl said.
- No worries.
Later Rick came to check on Daryl who was already sick off lying there. Rick looked away from the big window.
- It is my fault. I should not have gone for revenge, you know. Daryl said.
- No, you can't blame yourself. It is nobody's fault. If you like to blame something, blame this Goddamn world. Rick said.


Okay! I am going to wrap this one up. I am having writer's block. Hopefully I get over it cause I have few novel competitions coming my way. Maybe I will continue this. If and when white paper is not attacking me anymore.
   

perjantai 1. huhtikuuta 2016

Adoptiosta

Kirjoitin tästä jo aiemmin postauksen:  Jotkut saavat lapsen,  minä aion ostaa yhden.
Mutta nyt luettuani 17.9.2015 olevan Seura lehden ja sen tarinan adoptiosta, päätin kirjoittaa uudelleen.

Ajattelin jo valmiiksi, että Suomessa toimiva adoptointi prosessi on pelkkää paskaa. Tarkoituksella hankalaksi tehty, rahastus on tärkein- juttu. Adoptointi prosessissa sossunmuijat vaan haluaa päteä. Eiks vaan?

Siis tässä Seuralehden jutussa Peurasen perhe, äiti isä ja heidän kolme tytärtään, haluavat adoptoida lapsen. He aloittavat prosessin. Viisi vuotta meni ja kaksi kertaa piti adoptiolupakin uudelleen hakea. Miksi se muuten vanhenee, jos sen kerran on hakenut niin pitäköön kutinsa kunnes se haikara tuo sen penskan. No, sitten tulee iloinen soitto, että ois pieni poika mahdollista saada. Teillä on kahdeksan tuntia aikaa päättää. HAH! Ensin ne sossunmuijat ootatuttaa monta pitkää vuotta ja puuttuu hiusten pituuteenkin. ( nainen leikkaa hiukset lyhyiksi ja siitä tulee isompi haloo kuin ilmastonmuutoksesta konsanaan, että miks menit leikkaamaan. Mä olisin tuossa vaiheessa vetässyt kysyjää lättyyn ja sanonut että minähän teen hiuksillani jumalauta mitä haluan, jos haluan pulipääks kesken adoptioprosessin ja lahjottaa hiukset vaikka syöpäpotilaille niin sama se!)  Niin, siis. Ensin pannaan oottamaan ikuisuus ja sitten pitää vastaus tulla kuin apteekin hyllyltä tai jonon hännille uudelleen. Aika pohjalta koko prosessi.

Tiedän etten yhtään helpota tulevaa adoptioprosessiani näillä minun teksteilläni. Jotka tuppaavat olemaan yhtä suoria kuin kierot savolaiset, yhtä rehellisiä kuin raastuvat ja ronskeja kuin Rosvo Roope. Mutta kun minua ärsyttää.

Minua ärsyttää se että kun olen 25 ja aloitan adoptioprosessin, haen lupaa yksin. Ei se tee minusta sen huonompaa vanhempaa kuin jos minulla olisi se kakslahkeinen vierellä. Yksinhuoltajaperhe voi olla parempikin joissakin tilanteissa verrattuna perinteiseen ydinperheeseen.
Minua ärsyttää, että asiasta, jonka pitäisi olla yksinkertaisuudessaan  ihana asia, on tehty tekemisen ilosta liian hankala
Minua ärsyttää se, että mitä varmimmin adoptioprosessini tyssää siihen, että minulla ei ole antaa niille sossunmuijille perheen ulkopuolista suosittelijaa. Se ei kuitenkaan tarkoita, että tulevasta lapsestanikin tulisi sosiaalisesti uusavuton. Vaikka itse olen huonosti ihmisiin tutustuva, introvertti ja arka, niin se ei tarkoita sitä ettenkö laittaisi lastani harrastuksiin kavereita etsimään.
Minua ärsyttää se tosiasia että kaikki on aina paremmin Amerikassa. Jos olet amerikkalainen miljoonia takova tähdenlento, saat uuden pennun sormia napsauttamalla jos vaan haluat. Jolie-Pitt perhe saa riveihinsä kahdeksannen pennun helposti. Eikä Angelinalta varmaan kysytä, miks oot noin laiha, tai miksi sulla Brad on noin pitkät hiukset. Eikä niiltä varmaan kysytä miksi yksi niiden lapsista ei tiedä onko lintu vai kala. Suomessa taas kaikki syynätään ja tutkitaan tarkemmin kuin FBI syynää rikoksiaan. Kaikki kaivellaan pohjamutia myöten kunnes ikirouta tulee vastaan.
Minua ärsyttää, että haluan antaa pienelle pojalleni isoisän nimen, mutta Suomi on tehnyt tuon pienen pojan saamisesta niin vitun hankalaa.


Fobia

Ei, minulla ei ole klaustrofobiaa. En pelkää suljettuja tai ahtaita paikkoja. Ryömin mielelläni sängyn alle ja mielummin paikat  lukittuna kuin kaikille avoinna.

Ei, en pelkää hämähäkkejä. Mitä karvaisempi sen parempi. Itken, jos apu yritykseni tappavat hauraan hämiksen.

Minulla on muurahaiskammo. Sain tänäänkin pienen kohtauksen. Olin keräämässä katajanmarjoja ja yhden marjatertun alta paljastui pikkiriikkisiä tulimuurahaisia. Tämä tyttö lennätti kanervan oksan kuuhun ja polki jalkaa. Ei, ei, ei! Kädet ja hihat vispasivat niin, että kermasta olisi tullut voita sekunnissa ja vaatteet oli vähällä lentää päältä.

Kauhistuksen kanahäkki!